


it’s a strange way of saying that I know I’m supposed to love you

by ThirtySixSaveFiles



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Injury, M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, three times ryuji got injured and one time akira (metaphorically) kicked his ass about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 18:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14699988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirtySixSaveFiles/pseuds/ThirtySixSaveFiles
Summary: Ryuji’s used to taking the hits and dealing damage right back; it’s what he’sfor, it’s what he’s used to.His teammates - Akira in particular - might have something to say about that habit.





	it’s a strange way of saying that I know I’m supposed to love you

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr user and arch-enabler [ohnoktcsk](http://ohnoktcsk.tumblr.com/) issued a dare to write all three of [these](http://thirtysixsavefiles.tumblr.com/post/174008780769/caffeinewitchcraft-tiger-in-the-flightdeck) scenarios, and I am nothing if not suggestible. I highly suggest clicking through that link before you read this.

_Take One_

The last Shadow hits the ground with a satisfying _crash_ and Ryuji grins, flush with adrenaline and victory. He slings the heavy pipe over one shoulder, other hand on his hip, admiring the view as the Shadows’ outlines tremble and fade into nothing.

“Yeah! Victory!” Ryuji hates to admit it but Morgana’s little victory dance is kind of growing on him; fortunately no one has asked, so his secret is safe for now.

“Ready for more?” Akira says, and Ryuji would follow that grin to hell and back - that’s _definitely_ no secret.

“Hell yeah,” Ryuji says, pumping his fist. “Ready to -”

 _Kick Shadow butt_ , is what he means to say, but the words die as his fist comes in front of his face. His fingertips are tinged in red, and as he uncurls his hand the yellow leather is streaked in -

Blood. _His_ blood, shadows don’t bleed, is he _bleeding_ -

The world tilts and Ryuji’s legs buckle, one knee hitting the ground and sending a jolt through his entire body. _Now_ he can feel it, an aching twinge in his side, like the worst runner’s stitch he’s ever had multiplied by a hundred. Every breath stabs deeper into his gut and he curls in on himself, trying not to breathe deep, trying to make the world stop _spinning_ -

The cool wash of healing magic settles over him and Ryuji takes an experimental breath, and then another - there’s no pain, not anymore, and as he looks up he sees Morgana lowering his paws and glaring at him.

“You need to be more careful,” he says, glancing behind him, and Ryuji looks past him to see Akira’s mouth pressed into a flat line, red-gloved hands curled tight into fists.

“Sorry,” Ryuji offers, straightening; when that doesn’t hurt he pushes cautiously back to his feet. “I’m good to go, though, I promise - thanks, Mona,” he says, glancing down, and Morgana waves him off, already moving to scout around the next corner.

“Are you sure -” Akira stops, and then starts again. “Yusuke can take your place on the line, if you’re not feeling up to it.”

That stings, although Ryuji knows it shouldn’t. “I said I’m fine,” Ryuji says, rolling his shoulders. “I’ll let you know when I’m not, ok?”

Akira hesitates, like he’s going to say something else - then blows out a breath, and moves to follow Morgana.

Ryuji follows. It’s what he’s good at - and this is what he’s _for_ , to take the hits and keep on swinging. He’s not giving up his place on the line - at Akira’s side - to _anyone_ , not unless he has to.

 

_Take Two_

“Don't forget this feeling,” Makoto says as the shadows blow away, and - she means well, Ryuji absolutely gets what she’s saying, but in this particular instance he’s not going to take her advice.

Yusuke has already advanced to the next bend in the maze-like structure of the Palace - Ryuji’s not sure he knows which way is up at this point, but they keep running into stronger and stronger Shadows, which means they must be making progress. Akira kneels beside Yusuke at the corner, their heads bent close together as they confer; they must come to some agreement, because Akira flits around the corner, melting into the shadows like he belongs there. Makoto moves to catch up, and Ryuji lets himself fall a step or two behind. As she turns the corner Ryuji stops, bracing his forearm on the wall and leaning on it.

He presses his free hand to his side, and when he lifts it away it’s streaked with red; not a lot, but enough. He checks his jacket; the leather took most of the blow, which is what he had been counting on, but there’s a fine seam sliced into the side that gaps when he pulls at it. The blood doesn’t show up much against the black leather, which is - good, that’s good. The less the others notice the better. He doesn’t want to worry Aki- he doesn’t want to worry them.

There’s the sound of a scuffle around the corner, and Akira’s voice rings out over the telltale sound of a Shadow shedding its Palace-induced form.

That’s his cue.

It’s just a scratch. He can keep going. Ryuji wipes his hand on his pants and turns the corner, jogging to catch up.

 

_Take Three_

This one has claws, big nasty ones that could give Arsene a run for his money, and it’s not going down easy. Morgana’s already retreated to the shelter of a nearby statue, focusing on support, and Anne’s not doing much better. A sweep of talons takes Akira down on one knee, and Ryuji has had about _enough_ of this.

Ryuji steps forward, drawing the Shadow’s attention and a rush of claws. Ryuji dances out of the way, then darts in to deal a one-two combo that has the Shadow spinning halfway around, arms and legs flying. One of them catches Ryuji in the side; he stumbles forward, into the Shadow, and there’s a confusing moment of movement and claws and _swinging_ and then his pipe connects with the Shadow’s head and it shatters into a million motes. Ryuji laughs breathlessly, limbs suddenly heavy, grin stretching wide across his face.

“Did you see that?” He crows. “Pretty great, huh?” He turns back toward the others. “Are you guys okay? I think we’ve still got some of that quote-unquote medicine, right -”

“Skull,” Anne says faintly, and there’s something in her tone that makes him pull up short, some shocked note of horror that he hasn’t heard from her since their first Palace. “Skull, you -”

“I what?” He looks between her and Akira, whose face is slowly blanching to match his mask.

“You guys are freaking me out, is there something behind...me…” Ryuji trails off as he turns to look behind him; as he twists, his whole back twinges and when Ryuji looks down -

There’s a giant, broken-off claw curving around from his back, and as Ryuji watches crimson starts to seep down the length and drip on the floor.

“Huh,” Ryuji hears himself say, distantly. “Weird. I can’t feel that at all.”

Only all of a sudden he _can,_ and it sends him straight to his knees with a _thud_ he can feel along his entire spine. There’s a rush of movement around him and then he’s looking up into Akira’s face, eyes wide behind the mask as he grips Ryuji’s arms.

“Say something. R- _Skull_ , say something, talk to me.” Akira sounds - not frantic, not quite, but as close as Ryuji’s ever heard it.

“Uh,” Ryuji says, trying to remember what Akira had asked him. Thinking is hard all of a sudden. “I - _shit_ ,” he says as Anne touches the talon embedded in his back. “ _Owfuck_ , I think that thing’s in my kidney,” he says in a rush. He giggles, because that’s pretty funny, although from the way Akira’s mouth flattens he apparently doesn’t think so.

“It probably is,” Morgana says below him, and just looking down is making Ryuji dizzy. Morgana holds his paws up, green light already glowing between them. “Panther, on my signal.”

“Wait, are you - wait,” Ryuji says, but they’re not listening, and he’s fine, he’s had worse, he just - he just can’t sit up right now, Akira’s arms the only thing keeping him upright. He hurts but he’s still feeling the rush of battle and it’s all very confusing.

“Skull. _Ryuji_ ,” Akira says, and that snaps Ryuji’s attention back because they’re not supposed to use real names in here, and it’s usually him that forgets. Akira must really be upset.

“Sorry,” Ryuji mumbles, and Akira grips his arms tighter.

“Why do you - never mind,” he says. “Just keep looking at me, okay? Keep your eyes on me.”

“Mmmm’kay,” Ryuji says, eyelids suddenly heavy, but he tries to keep them open, because Akira had asked him to.

“Ready?” Morgana asks, and Ryuji doesn’t know what he’s asking but the answer is probably _no_ , only then the throbbing ache in his back becomes a _searing pain_ that chokes off the air in his lungs and turns his vision white around the edges. A faint haze of green settles around him but it’s too little too late against the black that swallows him whole.

 

_And Scene_

Ryuji wakes slowly, which is - he didn’t realize he’d been sleeping. He must have been having a terrible dream, then, about a Palace infiltration gone wrong, about slowing the team down, about disappointing Akira...

There’s a rustling of cloth next to him and Ryuji suddenly realizes that he’s lying on a couch, that his Skull mask is still on, and that the room around him has the deep bone-vibrating _thrum_ of a safe room.

Oh. Not a dream.

Ryuji sits up gingerly, and when nothing protests too badly he swings his legs around, settling his feet on the floor. A quick look reveals the room is empty except for himself and Akira, sitting in a chair he’d clearly drug over for this purpose and putting his phone away.

“Where’re -“ Ryuji coughs and clears his throat. “Where’s everyone else?”

“At home, by now. I sent them on back,” Akira says. He clasps his hands together and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Figured I’d wait until you woke up. Hauling your unconscious body on the train would _probably_ raise a few eyebrows. How are you feeling?”

“Uh -“ Ryuji twists to look behind him, but while there’s a gaping tear in his jacket the skin underneath looks pink and new. It twinges briefly when he touches it, but he’s not bleeding out and there doesn’t _feel_ like there’s internal damage, which is a huge improvement over the last thing he remembers. There probably won’t even be a scar.

“Pretty good, actually,” he says, turning back to face Akira. “Guess I have Mona to thank for that?”

“And Panther.” Akira catches Ryuji’s eyes with his own. There’s something _determined_ in there, and Ryuji has a sinking feeling he’s not going to be able to get out of this conversation. “Now, you want to tell me why you keep apologizing when we try to heal you?”

Ryuji blinks. That is - not what he’d been expecting.

“I, uh -“ He rubs the back of his head. “I should be able to take it. It’s my job, right? Charge commander.” Ryuji smiles weakly, but Akira’s expression doesn’t change. “I just don’t want to slow you guys down.”

The leather on Akira’s hands _squeaks_ , and when Ryuji glances down they’re pressed so tightly together it’s straining the seams of his gloves.

“Is that what you think you’re doing?” Akira says very calmly. “Slowing us down?”

“I mean -“ Ryuji shrugs helplessly. “I am if you have to stop every two seconds to heal me. You should save that stuff for when it’s important.”

“For when it’s -“ Akira stops, and then raises a hand to his mask. He very carefully pulls it off and sets it aside, then leans back in, and without the mask or the glasses to cover them Akira’s eyes _burn_ in a way Ryuji can’t seem to look away from. Akira takes one of Ryuji’s hands in his, and Ryuji starts, but Akira’s hand grips his firmly, warm even through two layers of leather.

“If I knew who had taught you that you’re a burden, that you don’t deserve _care_ ,” Akira says, voice deep with conviction, “we would be in their Palace right now, and I wouldn’t stop until all of their crimes had been dragged into the light.”

Akira’s hand tightens. “You are a member of this team, you are my _friend_ , and I -” Akira stops, pressing his lips together. “When you blacked out, I -”

Ryuji has rarely seen Akira at a loss for words; purposefully silent, yes, but never like this, like he’s frustrated with his own tongue.

“If something happened because you were hurt and I didn’t know it,” Akira says, sounding like he’s choosing his words carefully. “If I pushed you too hard, I would never - just don’t, okay? Don’t apologize, don’t hide from us.” His thumb taps against Ryuji’s knuckle-guard. “Don’t hide from me,” he finishes, and Ryuji knows he’s sitting but he’s dizzy all over again.

He’s not - it’s not that he’s unsure of his place on the team. And he knows Akira cares; that’s the kind of guy Akira is. He cares.

Ryuji thinks back to Akira’s clenched fists and flat mouth, the way he had offered to have Yusuke take Ryuji’s place. At the time, he had thought that he had fucked up again, that Akira was looking to strengthen the line. And maybe he had been. But maybe, Ryuji thinks, remembering Akira’s bruising-tight grip on his arms - maybe what Ryuji had mistaken for anger, for _disappointment_ had been...something else.

Akira cares deeply for his friends. Ryuji just hadn’t thought - hadn’t thought to _hope_ \- that Akira might care in _this_ way.

“Okay,” he says softly. “I - Okay.” He takes in one breath, then another, and then his shoulders relax and his spine straightens a little.

“We should - we should get going, yeah?” Ryuji says, standing. Akira still hasn’t let go of his hand, so Ryuji uses it to pull Akira to his feet. “The others are probably blowing up your phone,” he says, and Akira laughs.

“Yours too,” he says meaningfully, reaching over to grab his mask. He slides it back into place and squeezes Ryuji’s fingers once before letting go. “You’ll see when we get out.”

Yeah. Ryuji supposes he will.

It _is_ his job, he thinks as they step out of the metaverse and back into reality, Skull’s outfit melting into Ryuji’s version of Shujin’s uniform. Physically, he’s the strongest out of all of them; he can take the hits and keep dealing damage. It’s what he’s good at; it’s what he’s used to.

His phone starts buzzing and doesn’t stop, and Akira slants him a _told you so_ glance from behind his glasses.

It is his job. But he keeps trying to show Akira he’s not alone; maybe it’s time Ryuji started taking that advice himself.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at [ThirtySixSaveFiles](http://thirtysixsavefiles.tumblr.com) on Tumblr!


End file.
